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Grow Your Soul Through a Relationship June 30, 2019

Want to grow your soul?  Get in a relationship.  Intimate important relationships are the fast track to spiritual and personal growth.  The person you are the closest too may well become your spiritual teacher showing you constantly where you need to learn and grow.  Just by being his or her true and authentic self your buttons will get pushed and you will have an opportunity to grow.

In my work with Sedona Soul Adventures I get to talk to dozens of couples every week about their relationships.  I have those in crisis who are calling about coming on a couples spiritual retreat and I have those who have already been on the retreat that I’m coaching when they get home. 

What I see is always a battle between the forces of love and fear.  When couples choose love miracles are possible. When they choose fear, watch out, someone or everyone is going to get hurt.  

In relationship I know I sometimes forget that my partner is truly my beloved, the one person in this world that I can totally trust to have my back and who wants the best for me.  When couples come on a Soul Adventure they rediscover this truth and then comes the challenge to take home that knowing and trust that they’re partnered with a beloved not an advisory. 

When you’re in relationship with your beloved there is never a good reason for defensiveness.  I tell my couples all the time that when they’re defensive it’s like an alarm sounding that they’ve misunderstood or misinterpreted something and that compassion is needed.  

Our beloveds would never really in their hearts want us to hurt, feel badly, or be in true pain.  If they’ve taken some action that appears to be non loving then they must be hurting.  We have a choice on how we respond to non loving actions of others.  We can take it personally allow it hurt and out of love for ourselves get angry.  Or we can remember the truth that our beloved loves us unconditionally and in their hearts doesn’t want us to suffer, and find compassion for the hurt and fear they must be in to be acting in such a manner.  Hurt people hurt people.  

Now this does not mean that we should allow our partners to physically mentally or verbally abuse us.  Setting healthy boundaries is important.  Just know that even the most ling being in fight or flight will lash out or run away.  I have the sweetest cats in the world but if they are injured or frightened if I reach in to pet them I’ll get scratched, maybe bit.  I need to keep a healthy boundary stay back a bit and wait for the fear and pain to subside.  I use a loving voice and approach with total compassion.  The same approach works with humans in fight or flight.  You may need to keep a safe distance but with patience and a loving tone you can safely re-engage when the time is right.

I’ve got one couple that I coach where the husband has finally come to see that nearly every time he’s upset with his wife he has misunderstood or misinterpreted the situation.  He has now started to say, “I know that a few days from now I’’ll see that you are right and that I’ve misunderstood this so I’m just going to trust that to be true right now.”  When he does this they both laugh and the anger and tension disappears. 

When we choose love over fear we can actually laugh at ourselves and lighten up over conflict with our beloveds.  Ultimately I coach couples to get excited when a conflict comes up because it is such an opportunity for both parties to heal and grow. “Hey this is our stuff! If we can figure this … this right here… this tussle… if we can figure this out, we can handle any and everything!”  When couples can get to this point, there’s no end to the joy and love that follows. 

Figuring out how to choose love in your relationship teaches you how to choose love everywhere in your life and helps you begin to heal old wounds and thus grows your soul. 

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